Chapter 17

( BSG Spoiler )

*grumbles*

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If you take this:

After you answer all the questions, it'll ask for all of your info. Hit the back arrow and then cancel, and it should give you your results without you having to fill the crap out. It worked for me, anyway. :]

Sundays are always so slow.

Ich muss jetzt essen.

I'm glad Phopp gave me these shirts. Otherwise, I'd have nothing good to wear. I need to do laundry. Laundry go!!

...ok, maybe after I finish this.

So, I got to hang out with Emily today!! Again!! Like yesterday!!

Today was fairly eventful, actually. I rode to campus with Rhiannon and Kat. Delivered a duffel bag to Lucas. Got some clothes and stuff I left in his dorm. Walked around Walker looking for the band director to ask him about finding my trombone that I left there for... oh... this whole year. I hope he isn't too miffed. Well, I didn't find him, so I need to email him.

Then, I walked with my stuff over to the MUB to get a commencement ticket for tomorrow, only to find out that they didn't have anymore, the only tickets left are at the SDC. So, I had Emily drive me around town today. She drove me home so I could grab some textbooks and Travis' flag, back to the MUB to sell them (only one sold, and for an overwhelming $13). Then we went back to Wads so I could give Travis his flag. His office is empty, I wonder where he's moving to.

Next, we went up to the SDC, and I got a commencement ticket. It's at 10.30 tomorrow... which means I need to wake up around 9.00 to get ready and walk there in time. I'm not even sure where there is... I'll call Rhiannon.

Then, Emily and I ran to Arby's, got some food, and went to the sMall to watch Made of Honor. It was cute. Emily was obsessed with the Scottish guy. Good movie. We smuggled our Arby's in, along with a container of gummy bears. We're such rebels!!

After the movie, we went back to her apartment to load up her truck full of her stuff. She's currently on her way to Ishpeming to spend the night at Bill's house. Tomorrow she'll drive to Traverse City. She'll be back up on the 20th to get the rest of her stuff. And then I may or may not get to see her in August when I go down to Bellaire. And after that... who knows. Why do people have to leave?! Kat, Rhiannon, Emily, Teaz, Jill Rae, and quite a few others. It's not fair. At least Sha-chan won't be leaving for another two years. I hope I get to graduate with her. If I failed History of Canada, that won't happen, because I'll need to retake it... *crosses fingers*

On the bright side, if I'm stuck here for an extra semester, I can reasonably study abroad this spring, or maybe next fall. I'll have to work it out... Fall would probably work better, since I'll be here an extra one of those. Well, we'll see how I did in the class first. But oh man!! I would love to be in Germany for Oktoberfest!! Mom would kill me, though. I can't get any financial aid after five years, I'd have to take out a big loan. Well, it's not like people don't normally do that, I'm just lucky I'm poor and the government throws money at me. Or something like that.

I need to clean my room. And find everything of Lucas' so I can return it all before he leaves on the 11th. Gosh... It's May. Where does the time go? I'm getting too old for this...

Oh, and, somehow, Emily and I decided I'm the Wicked Witch of the Midwest. Go figure.

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Comic of the day.

Ich werde getrunken. Ich fühle mich ganze gut. Ich frage mich, ob ich zu viel gesprochen habe. Vielleicht. Ich liebe Sha-chan. Sie geht nace Finland für zwei Monaten. Das macht mir traurig. Ich werde sie vermissen.

Gute Nacht.

Lila's vacuuming her room upstairs. It sounded like a thunderstorm. I was worried for a moment, but then I looked outside and saw sunlight peeking through the clouds, and no rain, so it's ok. It needs to stay like this for a little while longer before it decides to rain again. I think Spring is finally here.

The semester is finally over. I had my History of Canada exam today. This morning. Eight in the morning... It was ok. Better than I've felt about the other two, so hopefully I did well enough to fix things.

Also today, I walked to Jim's for lunch. I bought some bread and ham. And a block of yummy smoked cheddar. And a gallon of milk, which I've been needing for a while now. I can eat cereal again!!

Also, I got a card in the mail from my grandma. It was a 'thinking of you' type card. On the inside she wrote about how she just read that kids who chew gum during tests do better. There was a pack of gum with the card. It made me smile. I also got a package from my mom. She sent me goldfish, lots of gum, and a box of homemade cookies. I plan to savor this one. I love my family.

Also, we've finally caught up to the present in Battlestar Galactica. I'm mad. And I want to know who the final Cylon is!! We have 11 of 12, and I have no idea who the last is. If it's Starbuck, I'm going to stop watching the show (not really) because that would be too predictable. So, who is it? Maybe they'll reveal the final Cylon this week.

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I feel lonely. And overwhelmed. The world as I know it is falling apart. So many things are changing. I'm changing. Break ups. Falling outs. What's going on? Two people that I saw breaking up, finally breaking up. And I wasn't ready for it. I don't like it. And I don't know how to help. I hope I did. So many people, so many problems, so many people. And I don't know what to do.

I'm tired of all this. I want to just go to sleep and let the world sort itself out. I have to handle my problems, and I have to help other people with their problems. And now everyone is leaving. And I don't know what I'm going to do now. And I almost don't want to, but still.

I'm not making any sense, am I? I just don't want to be here. Or do anything. I have too much to worry about. I don't want to have these things to worry about. And I feel like I'm the only person worrying. I'm just whining now. I don't feel like I'm a part of anything bigger than myself anymore. I don't feel special. I'm not. I need to go.

Fuck everything.

So, I took my Accounting final. It went well.

I've written my last two German papers and emailed them in.

I still have to write my Language and Society paper by 4 (shouldn't be too hard, right?).

One more final: History of Canada, Wednesday, 8.00 am. Bleh.

I almost had someone who would take the apartment off my hands. Almost. The "bedrooms" scared her off, I think. Crap. Stupid apartment. Go away...

Anyway, done ranting. Yesterday was amazing. Totally lazy. I woke up, sat around doing nothing for a while. Went to Phopp's house for the 'picnic'. Too bad it was all rainy, or we could have had it outside, at Chutes and Ladders. It was still fun. Lots of people, lots of good food. We gave Phopp his golden toaster (Elsa, Jeff and I planned it and bought them, Jeff and I painted them). Nancy and Dianne goth theirs, too, but I had left already.

I went with Andrew to help set up for the Magdalen Hsu-Li concert. It took us a while, because we needed to find some random drum equipment that the Rosza didn't give us (they gave us a drum set, but not a drum key?). But, the set-up went smoothly. And the concert was great. Magdalen was hilarious!! She even played a "freaky" song for us. Haha. I bought two of her CDs (wasting money, what?). She was awesome. So was Lindsay Elect, a local musician who opened for Magdalen. She was hot. For a girl. And talented. It was a fun night, that's for sure. Magdalen even felt me up, because she was jealous of Nathalia squeezing Reychl's boobs. She complimented me on my "man-boobs". It was special. What a crazy asian (I say that with respect and admiration)!!

After the concert, I went back to Phopp's with Jeff and Ox. I ate ice cream. And we watched Superman Returns. I just need to say this... the guy that plays Superman/Clark Kent, is gorgeous. And the hair... his hair was always perfect, even after getting dumped in the ocean, and even after re-entering the earth's atmosphere multiple times. But he was still delicious. Haha!!

I guess I should get back to the whole studying thing now. I need to write those two German papers, and keep cracking on Accounting (final tomorrow at 10.15). And hope Lucas finishes his linguistics paper so I can get my book back and do mine. Busy busy busy... I can't wait for this term to end. Three more days!!

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It's amazing how easy it is to mess life up. So easy...

I just talked to the apartment lady again, and the people that had been interested aren't anymore. Well shit. What do I do now? I can't think of anyone who needs an apartment next year. Especially someone who can afford the damn thing. Why oh why did I let myself get into this situation? Lucas won't even be here next year. I know I could force him to pay his half, but neither of us can really afford it anymore. I mean, I could if I took out a loan, but that doesn't really help.

Does anyone on here need an apartment in Houghton, or know someone who does? It's a bit pricey ($290 a month per person, plus electric and internet). It's a very nice apartment, two bedrooms, somewhat furnished (I don't remember the details at present). I would like to just get myself off the lease entirely, but I can stay if there's even just one person who is interested. Or... or... Fuck, I really don't know.

Because I really can't afford it. But from what the lady just said, they have no plans of making this easy for me. And why should they? Lucas and I signed the damn thing when we shouldn't have. And now we're stuck with our mistake. I just don't know how I can fix it. If I can.

I've really screwed myself this time. It's not just emotional/relationship stuff. Or classes, which are important, but monetarily distant at present. No, this is something that will kill me financially. And right now, not after I graduate. I really don't regret much in life, but this has become the top of the list. I just don't know how to handle it, what to do. I feel like giving up. But that won't do anything. My fight or flight is telling me to run. Run like hell. Get away from here. But the problem won't just disappear, so what's the point?

There's not going to be an easy solution to this at all. And, at the rate it's going, there wont' be an easy solution to the problem, either. No solutions for me. I'm just stuck, and it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I just feel like breaking down and crying. But not here.

What am I going to do?

I'm really starting to feel restless. I don't know what it is. I just wanna go somewhere. Do something. And more and more I want that place to be not Michigan. And not even the states. I want to go to Germany so badly. And Europe in general. I'm slowly gaining interest in Finland, too. (I blame you, Melissa.) I also want to go to Iceland. And Italy, Greece, and... and... everywhere!!

I want to go travel. Too bad you can't make a living off that, huh?

I dunno, I just feel weird. Maybe it'll go away. No, probably not. Meh.

Hallelujah
~Rufus Wainwright (among others)

I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Maybe I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and its a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

There was a time you let me know
What's real and going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dark was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Maybe there's a God above
And all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
And it's not a cry you can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Sometimes I truly feel out of the loop. Like important things are happening that I can't see, and that people won't share with me. I've always gotten that feeling around certain people.

:\

Who's having lunch with a boy he's had a crush on for two years?

Nich's have lunch with a boy he's had a crush on for two years.

Also, I fixed my glasses. Lucas was harassing me, and I accidentally hit them, and they got bent up, and ti was dumb. And I tried to fix them for two days, and it wasn't working. Then, all at once, I realized I was bending them the wrong way, and voila, I fixed them. I'm dumb.

But, I'm having lunch with Pat at Subway tomorrow (meaning just us). ^_^

Tee hee.

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So, it took me a while, but I finally found the Japanese lyrics of this song. I'm more or less hooked on it right now. I finally gave up on American Google, and started searching with google.co.jp (the Japanese google). Needless to say, I didn't understand much of what I got, but I did find the lyrics, so I'm happy. You should all look at the original kanji lyrics, if only because it looks cool. ^_^

( lyrics in kanji )

( romaji lyrics )

( English translation )

Yeah, yeah, it's a lot to look at, I know, but it's an amazing song, even without having known the lyrics when I first heard it. Go here to listen to the song.

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Yesterday was probably the most fun I've had in a while. Such a great day.

The worst part of it, though, was that I slept through my two classes. Oops...

So, Spring Fling was pretty good. Had lunch at the Writing Center with some Chinese students, along with Jill Rae, Shaughn, Elsa, Elisse and Lisa. I talked to Jill Rae for an hour afterwards. We'd never really talked before, and it was nice to get to know her a little bit. I learned that she's been to Japan twice, and will be going there again for at least a year after she graduates this semester. She can even speak some Japanese. It was a great conversation, and I hope we can talk more before the semester is out.

After that, I went to the gay? fine by me. photo. I'm not sure that there were as many people there this year as there were last year, but there were still quite a few people. From there, I manned the KP table for about ten minutes before we packed up.

Afterwards, I hung out with Lucas, Christian, Ryan, Alex and Jeff. It was nice. After standing around for a while, we went to Christians house, losing Alex and Ryan, but picking up Mary and Anthony, and we watched 'The History Boys'. It was a great movie. I'm sorry I hadn't seen it sooner. After the movie, we headed over to Mary's house, where I met Dark, who I've heard about for a while, as well as some of Christian and Senkow's friends. I was at Mary's house partying and playing Rock Band until about 3.30 in the morning. It was lots of fun.

On a more... personal note. I randomly decided to talk to Patrick on facebook, and he responded, and we're gonna have lunch some time before the semester comes to an end. We haven't actually hung out since that picnic at Misery Bay at the end of the summer before my sophomore year. Heh... I've had a crush on him since that day, just never did anything about it. I don't expect anything to happen, but it'll be nice to hang out with him.

Not a whole lot else going on today. Wee...

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I have a headache. It sucks.

On the bright side, I got a lot of sleep last night, and my mood has increased tremendously. I'm still upset about something that was said last night, but not nearly as much. And I don't hold it against the speaker in any way, shape, or form. I need to stop taking thins so personally. Well, I don't in many situations, but in others... meh.

So, we're watching another German movie. It's called 'The Edukators'. It's been pretty fantastic so far. It's yet another revolutionary/arnarchistic movie, just like 'Die verlorene Ehr der Katharina Blum' and 'Was tun, wenn's brennt?', which are also good movies, though I liked 'Was tun' more, and not just because of Tim (the hottie of the movie who has a shower/towel scene). Oh, Peter in 'The Edukators' also has a nice body. Mmm... eye candy.

Dang... I don't know what to do with myself. I got out of class about 45 minutes early. It's only 3.10 right now, and I don't work until 4.00. And then I'm gonna go do some more laundry, and maybe clean a bit. And do some homework. And maybe go to Phopp's for more Battlestar Galactica. Or... I dunno. ^^;

But for now, I need to do something... Like use the 'Stumble!' button!! Great idea!!

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Blah.

I quit.

Sigh...

I just suddenly lost all ability to focus. I feel kind of dizzy as well. Maybe it's the weather. We haven't had amazing. warm weather two days in a row since early last fall. It's amazing. I think spring is finally here, for real. Not some pretend spring like we had after spring break. I can only hope.

Most disturbing joke ever:

My friend/co-worker once saw this on a Laffy Taffy wrapper.

The question was: "What is white and flies through the air?"

The answer, and I quote: "The coming of the Lord."

I can think of two meanings for that, and both of those are very... disturbing. I don't know who let that go on, but he should have been, and probably was, fired. Still, quite amazing.

And that is why I love working here, because we always talk about crazy stuff. Well, not just that, but it's a big part.

The best part is just working with students on writing, reading, world cultures, and of course, helping international grad students. I don't think I will get to do the int. grad program next year, and that makes me sad, but this is still an amazing job.

I'm tired. And I have to be on campus at 8.30 tomorrow for the undergraduate expo. I'm a tour guide for one of the visiting group of kids. I have no real idea what I'm doing, but it should be fun. Except that I have to wake up between 6.30 and 7.00. That does not agree...

The drag show this year was amazing!! Joey, Tabby, Candi, and Dominique. They were all great!! Sadly, one of the queens did not come because of the blizzard we had the other day. Oh well, we did fine.

Because of the Wizard of Oz theme we had for the show, Tabby did Defying Gravity, and Tabby and Joey together did For Good. Candi was amazing, and Dominique's dances were incredible!!

Drag show: success!

Overall Pride Week: success!!

After the show, we all went to The Library. I had some of Andrew's drink, it was delicious. I got tipsy off of half of it, but it was good. Talking to Joey and Candi was lots of fun, as was Steve drunk. Hehe.

Patty's been up here since Thursday. We've been hanging out a lot. It's been oodles of fun. She spent the night here last night. I loves her. She's been refreshing me and teaching me new sign language. I miss having her around.

This morning was the breakfast at Phopp's house. A lot of people showed up. It was fun, and the food was yummy. Thanks Phopp!! Mmm... bacon.

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